I dreamt of a wish

It's a bit dark out there, 
Thick clouds are crying non-stop, 
Occasionally screaming high pitch voices, 
This coldness that enveloped all over me, 
Seems to never let go. 

As Nek said it over and over again, 
"The desire that I do not want",
Seems to echoed Neruda, 
"If suddenly you forget me",
How ironic was that.

I wished I can put a stop on these,
Only that Im having it in my head, and my heart.

that night

It was raining that night,
Just like today,
I remember it clearly,
perhaps too clear, that makes me hate it everytime it rains,
and I hate it more, that I am slowly to turn into you,

I was whispering to him on bed, 
I couldn't sleep, the rain outside made me restless,
I asked, why was everything so different,
I asked, why was they never smile to me,
I asked, why was it always hurtful for me,
and all he said, he doesn't know.

Then, the lightning awaken everyone,
I cried, I don't like it,
I tried to calm myself,
But I was so scared,
I knew what is going to happen,
and I was right.

I saw you,
You open the door slowly,
Then with your thunderous voice,
You yelled, asking why am I crying and making noise in the middle of the night,
I didn't answer, I didn't have any,
and I knew it pissed you more.

And, then,
You grasped my hair tightly,
You dragged me out of the room, out of the house, in the darkest hour, in the middle of the rain,
and you locked me there.

I cried so bad,
I begged you to open the door,
Those time pass so slowly,
Then I heard the door clicked,
You stormed out furiously,
Without a single words,
The belt in your hand,
It danced all over my body,
It hurts, It hurts so bad,
But, what hurts more is that,
I don't know why it has to be this way.

Then that time, I vowed to myself,
If I would have a child,
I would never treated him like you did.

But this morning,
I failed, I failed miserably,
I could see how scare he was in his eyes,
Yet, I didn't stop,
Then I realize,
I am becoming you,
The one I hate,
Only then I stop...

I wished I could say it out loud straight to your face,
But my ego was holding my hands firm, 
I can't move, nor even fidget, 
My eyes fell down, and I no longer see it, 
It seems my balls has shrunk, or you have snatched it. 

It's funny when I felt this way, 
And the way you behave today tells me that you felt the same too, 
I guess it wasn't just me that couldn't find my balls, 
Because of your eyes, and your hands, it betrayed you.
Just like I did.

I wonder if we could ever be truthful to each other,
Was it too late to digest all this,
Now that I truly realized that we only had a couple of days left,
Maybe we should never vow to keep the status quo,
Since I hate loosing my ball, and I hate loosing something more too...

Dawn came early today, 
Usurping the solemn night, 
Perhaps there was something behind it, 
Lay about one, 
It does seems to work, 
Carried away, 
I seemed to be floating in the end, 
Towards a direction that I knew off, 
Only that I have ceased to care, 
Uncertain of the consequences yet again, 
Should it came to haunt me back later in my life...