goodbye

i never felt so much love in my heart before,
for no one that loved me, other than you,
you made me laughed, cried and to be human,
these emotions, overflowed my very existence,
to drowned in it, yet i wanted more,
i would never thought that one day,
for goodbye i must say,
it felt like forever, for me to muster my strength,
and yet, for this day to come.

my heart hurt,
to held you in my arms,
for this smile to be forever gone,
and the warmth of your touch seemed to be,
nothing but a long forgotten memory,
my heart hurt,
for this day to ever come,
that you left me,
alone, while you were in my arms,

i could not take this anymore,
now that you're gone,
to never come back,
for there was no way for me to turned back time,
and to hold you closely and to never let go.

for these regrets that i owned,
to loved you and to cherished you,
to hold you and to be with you,
because of this love,
I've learnt, that i finally alone, and i'm going too.

i can't take this anymore,
to face this world without you,
i could never do it,
for i could never forget you,
you said your goodbye,
and now it's my turn,
for me to resign to my heart,
and i will go away too.

This foolish lover...

It pains my heart,
so much that I wanted to cry,
but I hold it firm, for I don't want to betray myself,
it hurts like hell,
when you look into my eyes and tells me you love me.

I remember that very day,
you were holding my hand under the tree,
we were talking about so many things,
then you said you love me,
for the first time, I was happy.

Then I saw you at the end of the street,
walking with a bright smile on your face,
to another man that you said a friend,
only that you were holding his hand,
just like you did to me.

It hurts me so much,
for every night when you were in my arms,
hugging each other, cherishing that moment,
knowing that I wasn't the only one for you,
I cried to myself, only deeply in my heart.

I wanted this to end,
I wanted to let you go,
I wanted this to end right now,
I wanted to no longer in this sorrow,
I wanted to, but I couldn't.

For you are my man,
my feelings for you are pure,
it was all that I could give away,
while I have none for myself,
and I don't have the guts to take it back from you.

It never slipped my mind,
knowing that this feeling you have for me,
was nothing more than just a simple lie,
but I love you so much,
that it kills me inside.

For you I was just another man,
For me I was just another foolish lover.

I dreamt of a wish

It's a bit dark out there, 
Thick clouds are crying non-stop, 
Occasionally screaming high pitch voices, 
This coldness that enveloped all over me, 
Seems to never let go. 

As Nek said it over and over again, 
"The desire that I do not want",
Seems to echoed Neruda, 
"If suddenly you forget me",
How ironic was that.

I wished I can put a stop on these,
Only that Im having it in my head, and my heart.

that night

It was raining that night,
Just like today,
I remember it clearly,
perhaps too clear, that makes me hate it everytime it rains,
and I hate it more, that I am slowly to turn into you,

I was whispering to him on bed, 
I couldn't sleep, the rain outside made me restless,
I asked, why was everything so different,
I asked, why was they never smile to me,
I asked, why was it always hurtful for me,
and all he said, he doesn't know.

Then, the lightning awaken everyone,
I cried, I don't like it,
I tried to calm myself,
But I was so scared,
I knew what is going to happen,
and I was right.

I saw you,
You open the door slowly,
Then with your thunderous voice,
You yelled, asking why am I crying and making noise in the middle of the night,
I didn't answer, I didn't have any,
and I knew it pissed you more.

And, then,
You grasped my hair tightly,
You dragged me out of the room, out of the house, in the darkest hour, in the middle of the rain,
and you locked me there.

I cried so bad,
I begged you to open the door,
Those time pass so slowly,
Then I heard the door clicked,
You stormed out furiously,
Without a single words,
The belt in your hand,
It danced all over my body,
It hurts, It hurts so bad,
But, what hurts more is that,
I don't know why it has to be this way.

Then that time, I vowed to myself,
If I would have a child,
I would never treated him like you did.

But this morning,
I failed, I failed miserably,
I could see how scare he was in his eyes,
Yet, I didn't stop,
Then I realize,
I am becoming you,
The one I hate,
Only then I stop...

I wished I could say it out loud straight to your face,
But my ego was holding my hands firm, 
I can't move, nor even fidget, 
My eyes fell down, and I no longer see it, 
It seems my balls has shrunk, or you have snatched it. 

It's funny when I felt this way, 
And the way you behave today tells me that you felt the same too, 
I guess it wasn't just me that couldn't find my balls, 
Because of your eyes, and your hands, it betrayed you.
Just like I did.

I wonder if we could ever be truthful to each other,
Was it too late to digest all this,
Now that I truly realized that we only had a couple of days left,
Maybe we should never vow to keep the status quo,
Since I hate loosing my ball, and I hate loosing something more too...

Dawn came early today, 
Usurping the solemn night, 
Perhaps there was something behind it, 
Lay about one, 
It does seems to work, 
Carried away, 
I seemed to be floating in the end, 
Towards a direction that I knew off, 
Only that I have ceased to care, 
Uncertain of the consequences yet again, 
Should it came to haunt me back later in my life...

When I was Your Lover...

I looked at my day,
It was dull, full with loneliness,
There were no such things,
That could always make me smile,
Yet, there were only tears, grieve and pain.


I were alone,
When you decided to look away,
Far away from me.


The only thing left,
Was only the memory?
Memory that could never fade or it will.
I could never know.


Day by day,
It gone without you by my side,
Believe me, I could never allowed it to happen,
But, when you turn away from me,
Which one is more painful, to know that you are gone or to keep your body with me, without your soul?


Alone, how could I ever faced the world alone,
When I had in my hand
The vow that we make years ago,
The vow that to me seems just been made yesterday,
The vow that keep me always with you,
Although without the vow, I will always be with you,
But yet, you leave me alone.


My love, tell me something,
What makes you turned away?
Yet, I would never know the answer,
Because I was your lover.


My love,
I know that you know it,
That I love you much more than anyone,
But still, you leave me alone.


My love,
You know it,
When you turn away from me,
There was no more love in you,
When you turn away,
I know, I could never see your eyes again,
I know, your smiles are not meant to me,
But,
Do you realized that,
When you looked away,
I love you ever more than ever,
Perhaps you didn’t know,
Perhaps you will never know.


My love,
You are gone now,
Forever, that you will be,
There is only one thing that I always have in my mind,
Alone I am, yet you will forever be in my mind,
Forever.